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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28854531">Isolation Desperation</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/little_duckie/pseuds/little_duckie'>little_duckie</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Alternative character study of Naruto [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Child Neglect, Discrimination, Gen, Isolation, Konohagakure | Hidden Leaf Village, One Shot, Symbolism, Uzumaki Naruto-centric, i am definitely projecting hah!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 04:47:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,172</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28854531</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/little_duckie/pseuds/little_duckie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>-Yes, Naruto was rather vindictive, but not without prompting and prodding him first.-</p>
<p>-But what else should he do, just lie down belly-up and take all the hurtful actions and words without flinching?<br/>No thanks. He’ll stick with retribution.- </p>
<p>Naruto was raised on schadenfreude and an inability to understand why, leads to an inability to connect.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Gaara &amp; Uzumaki Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Alternative character study of Naruto [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2115918</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>41</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Isolation Desperation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hey! I hope you enjoy, and please do leave a comment if you did! It really makes my chest feel all full and warm and fuzzy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Schadenfreude</strong>
</p>
<p>Naruto has felt it bubbling up, the ugly feeling of justice when he was looked down on. Which, considering Naruto’s life, was quite often. When he turned ten, he had a word for that feeling; that feeling which made him prank the hell out of anyone.</p>
<p>Schadenfreude: the pleasure derived from seeing someone else suffering.</p>
<p>Now, Naruto’s beloved schadenfreude was not usually based on envy, but rather on justice.</p>
<p>The clerk charged him double for a new shirt? Naruto would bedazzle the whole store in colourful bombs that stained every single item of clothing.</p>
<p>A teacher marked down a question he got right in a test and wouldn’t listen when Naruto told him so? For the next week, the teacher would just never be able to find chalk for the board at school, would just coincidentally not be able to find any pens anywhere either.</p>
<p>Yes, Naruto was rather vindictive, but not without prompting and prodding him first. But what else should he do, just lie down belly-up and take all the hurtful actions and words without flinching? No thanks. He’ll stick with retribution.</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>
  <strong>Russian Roulette</strong>
</p>
<p>Despite Naruto’s personal code of justice, he finds himself struggling when faced with a new dynamic. Sasuke and Sakura he already knew, but now interacted with Naruto in a different manner than at the academy. Kakashi was a whole new player in the field, and Naruto has no idea how to interact with him. Kakashi was whimsical and overly serious. Kakashi was rigorously lazy, and a contradictory person at heart.</p>
<p>Sometimes he laughs when Naruto jokes around, other times he seems weary to the point of depression. And, while Naruto was very observant, he couldn’t walk on eggshells months at a time. Tact was not his strong suit. Uncertainty made him prone to anxious outburst of an extreme kind.</p>
<p>The uncertainty Kakashi brought with him, spilled over to the team. Sasuke decided to not put any effort in interpersonal relationships because of it. Sakura was in everlasting limbo, tension lined her shoulders every morning.</p>
<p>It was Russian roulette: who is our teacher today?</p>
<p>Will Kakashi be nice, mean, enthusiastic, present or absent in mind?</p>
<p>Naruto flounders.</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>
  <strong>Lunatic</strong>
</p>
<p>It is not as though he’s socially reclusive, or even particularly insensitive. Naruto always wondered why people are so mean to him, despising him for such innocent mischief or no reason at all. That he never got an explanation, made developing empathy a lot more difficult. Or it would have been more difficult, if Naruto hadn’t inherently been a kind person. He would never say it out loud, he didn’t even dare to think it too loudly. Praising yourself is rather arrogant, Naruto thought.</p>
<p>Still, sometimes It tickles at the back of his throat. A harsh laughter, a distorted reflection. Naruto restrains himself, but the menacing thoughts are familiar to him.</p>
<p>(Sometimes, he thinks the people of Konoha should be thankful to him. He’s the omega of the town pack, so to say. Everyone can just turn their anger on him, suffering no consequences. Really, Konohan kindness stands true because of it.)</p>
<p>(This train of thought is always followed by a wave of despair and a longing for that very kindness. He would beg to the moon at night. ‘Please’ was more than a polite question, to Naruto it was wishing upon a dying star.)</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>
  <strong>You are what you eat</strong>
</p>
<p>Naruto does confidently think that he turned out quite an alright kid, considering his lack of upbringing.</p>
<p>Well, maybe not so confidently. Maybe not anymore at all.</p>
<p>Naruto eats up all the attention he gets; Sasuke looks down on him, Kakashi berates him.</p>
<p>Sakura ignores him.</p>
<p>It hurts. And Naruto works on input to produce output, as everyone does. But there is nothing to react to, nothing to improve.</p>
<p>Naruto wants to be better, but Kakashi doesn’t give him the time of day. Naruto wants to be better, but Sasuke doesn’t give him the time of day. Naruto wants to be better, but Sakura doesn’t give him the time of day.</p>
<p>Naruto wants to be better. But he’s not eating anything but discouragement right now.</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>
  <strong>Daedalus and Icarus </strong>
</p>
<p>He was thankful to Naruto, Haku had said. However, Haku couldn’t possibly be as thankful as Naruto himself was to Haku.</p>
<p>Haku’s loyalty to Zabuza was clear for anyone to see, but to Naruto it was more than that. It was admirable and everything Naruto ever wanted and <em>incredibly </em>jealousy-inducing.</p>
<p>Naruto got caught up in Haku’s philosophy, lifted up to a gentle breeze of admiration and love. What Naruto wouldn’t do to have a relationship like theirs. His imagination ran wild; perhaps if Kakashi had liked him better, or if the Hokage had been just a bit more of a grandfather to him. If his parents hadn’t died or gotten rid of him.</p>
<p>Naruto didn’t get to float for long though. Both Haku and Zabuza were dead.</p>
<p>Still a small spark remained in Naruto, a longing for that kinship that Haku and Zabuza had shared.</p>
<p>Even death seemed quite alright if he had someone to die with, Naruto thought. They had gotten to fly together under the warm sun, after all.</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>
  <strong>Yellow is both kindness and jealousy</strong>
</p>
<p>Konohamaru was a stupid kid.</p>
<p>A very sweet and well-meaning kid, but a stupid one nonetheless. After being pushed and pulled around all of Konoha, the kid ran off with a loud war cry and an occasional trip over his scarf.</p>
<p>That spark of annoyance went hand in hand with affection.</p>
<p>Who knew kids could be so kind?</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>
  <strong>Wish upon a butterfly, grant upon a tsunami</strong>
</p>
<p>Naruto’s surprise was quickly followed by hope.</p>
<p>It was a fragile thing, a new-born foal unable to stand on its legs. A feeling of familiarity and comradeship came over Naruto, a connection between him and the other teen made of suffering and emotions boiling over the confines of the human shape and skin. Sin stuck to them both, and hope matching it in equal measure.</p>
<p>After a clumsy run-in with the Sand shinobi, a tense feeling came over the people present. All except Naruto and Gaara, too caught up in their staring match.</p>
<p>The staring conveyed a unity of hope and wishes, and Naruto slowly staggered towards his counterpart. Gaara too, seemed to open his metaphorical arms and the two met with an incredibly gentle hug. Arms closed over one another, then chests touched and they held each other. Naruto brought his hands higher to brush through Gaara’s hair, a gentle shushing noise accompanying it. Hands gripped harder onto Naruto’s shoulder blades, into the space between, before relaxing and gently pressing upon his shirt as though it were Naruto’s heart.</p>
<p>The rest of the world didn’t matter. It didn’t even exist.</p>
<p>
  <em>You understand, you feel it too. You want to be a person too.</em>
</p>
<p>Their desperation brought their connection to a tsunami, which otherwise might have remained a butterfly’s beating wings. Naruto had never been thankful for his isolation, but this might just make up for it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A bunch of short prompts that just came to me, with a hopeful and positive conclusion for once. :)<br/>Of course, Naruto was created masterfully and a whole fictional world came to be, but all these characters have so much history! And sometimes I feel like the show didn't really go as deep as their backstories would allow, which I think is rather stupid.<br/>Any chance the author gets to make the show more relatable and honest should be taken, I think.<br/>Which this is my attempt of (while fucking with canon), so I hope you enjoyed! And if not, why the hell are you even reading my notes! thats a lotta dedication for a hater! haha. </p>
<p>Lets all hope 2021 is a better year, for everyone.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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